I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
