When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
