You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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