After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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