we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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