i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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