You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
