Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Come share oat with me in your robe
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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