if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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