I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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