This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
