every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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