Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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