i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
