The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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