I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
