nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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