Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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