Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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