My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Drake has all the answers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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