The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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