I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
