So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
