absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
