Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
