i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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