The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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