I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
