i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
