You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
