She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Green mimosas i think yes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
