So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
