I accidentally had phone sex last night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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