So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
