Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
