I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
