I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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