dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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