that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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