roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
