i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
