I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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