It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
