Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's never too late to be topless.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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