i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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