im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
