Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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