im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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