you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
