I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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