Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
