I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
