weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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