Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
