My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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