dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
