So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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