Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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