the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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