I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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