Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
