yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
