I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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