did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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