i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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