how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
