I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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