it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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