I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
