I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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