shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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