when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
