You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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