You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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