well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
