Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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